Valentine's Day

.... is a non-event.

We are still at the ILs' place, the Husband and I.  Heading back to SG on Monday.

I toyed with the idea of asking him to bring his mom out for dinner.  Maybe tomorrow is a better day.  Service is not great every 14 February anyway.

Our first Valentine's Day together was spent in JB waiting to get onto the shuttle bus to Senai Airport to catch an AirAsia flight to KL.  He bought me a plate of nasi lemak (rice cooked with coconut milk, usually eaten with sambal chilli) and a Milo peng.  No flowers. 
We are practical people, the Husband and I.

When the boys grow up, I will educate them to be equally practical.  Their future girl friends might not thank me for it, but their future wives will.
I am the Scourge of Valentine's Day.  Haha.

Valentine's Day brings to mind a conversation my young female cousin posted on Facebook, overhearing a conversation between 2 uni undergrads, both guys.

Guy 1: I go to her hostel room, and I wash the toilet together with her.... (referring to girl friend)
Guy 2: FWAH, what kind of loser are you, dude.

My cousin is of the opinion that Guy 1 did the right thing.  Aww, so sweet.  Aww, so caring.  Aww, so considerate.
Me.... I agree with Guy 2 that Guy 1 is a loser too.  C'mon man, you are not even using the toilet that you had washed as much as the girl did.  You can wash toilets together with her when you both use the toilet - more or less - equally, or you own the toilet together.  Imagine if the genders are reversed.... The girl washing the guy's toilet.... now that would not be sweet already right, dear cousin, but abuse of the girl friend.....
.
Ah, perhaps I am just biased because I wouldn't want my boys to wash their girl friends' hostel room toilets.

The Best of East and West

I count myself very fortunate to live in Singapore as people from both East and West work, live and play here.  Before Sir Raffles Stamford landed on our shores in 1819, Singapore was a trade centre in the Malay archipelago by virtue of our geographical position and our natural deep harbour.

When I look back at my growing up years, the education I have received is a blend of both East and West.  With only myself as the sample, here is what I observe to be good and bad about both East and West in the area of education.

What is good about the West: The scientific method of inquiry and conclusions. 

What is good about the East, specifically Chinese: Concise articulation of values.  My secondary school’s motto is 诚信勇忠which approximately translates to honesty / integrity, trustworthiness, courage and loyalty.  The Chinese characters have only 4 sounds to capture all that.  Pretty amazing stuff.

What is bad about the West:  Wide boundaries.  This complements the scientific mind but somehow does not fit my Asian / Chinese / Singaporean mind.

What is bad about the East: Rote learning without knowing the context.

What shall I teach Medium Boy and Small Boy?  How shall I even live my own life for that matter, keeping what is best from each system and de-emphasizing the rest…

Why God?

Medium Boy and I were eating our lunch side by side.  His female cousin G had flounced into the kitchen twirling her ballerina skirt around, multi coloured hair ties in her hair.

MB: Why did God make me a boy and not a girl, Mama?

Me: (stunned momentarily)  Why do you want to be a girl…..

MB: (smiles wryly and continues eating while looking at G)

Me: Ah, do you want to wear a skirt and tie up your hair like G too… maybe… sometimes….

I can only guess what he was thinking, hey, I am no psychic.  Only an often amused, sometimes bemused mama.

When I am an MIL - part 2

I had spent the last couple of months being annoyed with my MIL, without really realizing why.

The Husband and I were out at Starbucks sipping a green tea frappacino over lunch on Tuesday when he commented that the frap is too sweet, and added as an afterthought “I must have told you before… my mom says that ever since we married, my taste buds have changed…. I find her food too salty now.”

*AHA light bulb moment *

I replied to the Husband, “You are a silly man.  Next time, just eat whatever she cooks and keep quiet.”

And continued “When you are with your mother, you must make her feel as if she is the most important woman in your life….” To which he smiled and nodded.

Then added my twist “When you are with your wife, you must also make her feel as if she is the most important woman in your life….”  He looked at me incredulously.

“If your mom and I do not get along, it is your fault, my dear!”

Reflection: I have 2 boys, I will be a MIL one day.  If my dear son ever makes me feel like I am #2 woman in his life, my first reaction will be to give hell to his gf or wife.  Then I hope and pray I remember this post to remind myself to act from a higher plane of consciousness.

Proud of himself

2 years 10 months and a few days old.

This morning, I held Small Boy's hand in the kitchen when he suddenly went still. First came the explosive sneeze expelling 2 streams of mucus, then the loud (and smelly!) fart from his - thankfully! - diapered bottom.

He turned to me, an expression of pure wonder and accomplishment in his eyes.... And said

"Mama, I sneeze and fart at the same time...."

only a boy will be so proud of his bodily functions. *face palm*

LOL

Traffic lights fall down

Sunday drive to JB to get groceries

Small Boy: MAMA, the traffic light fall down!

Indeed the traffic lights were slightly skewed, probably as a result of a passing car or motorcycle.

Small Boy:  The traffic lights have cars and motorcycles and vans and no green light, Mama
(referring to the lights just before JB immigration)

What is his current obsession with traffic lights??

A good doctor is worth her weight in gold

The boys' paediatrician is Dr B.  I hesitate to reveal more of her name as her patient load is so full that she is currently turning away new patients that are not medical emergencies.

How did I know she was THE doctor for Medium Boy and Small Boy?
I have a healthy scepticism for Western medicine.  To me, the whole body of knowledge treats the symptoms and not the cause... as a new mother when Medium Boy was born, when the ob/gyn asked me to choose a PD, I went along with his recommendation... as I did not know better.

Vaccines are normally lab treated (and the pharma firms say.... milder) variants of the same bug they are designed to prevent.  I cannot make sense of why a newborn with an undeveloped immune system has to be vaccinated.  Medium Boy was delivered by vacuum, hence he had Vitamin K in case his system had a shock..... I left the BCG vaccination until he was 2 weeks old.  Dr B was fine with this.

The first time I consulted Dr B was when Medium Boy was 5 days old.  MB had already been pricked on his heel 2 times during those 5 days as he displayed the classic symptoms of jaundice - yellowing in the whites of his eyes and yellowing at his joints.  Day 1, which I was not present, and Day 4 at PD #1.  The bilirubin level result was 16.2 on Day 4.  PD #1 recommended hospitalisation but he did not push his case when I said I wanted Medium Boy with me.  [14 to 16 reading indicates mild jaundice; above 16s are normally hospitalised; above 18s need blood transfusions]
I recoiled physically at the thought of being away from Medium Boy when he had spent the previous 38 weeks being one with me.

In desperation on day 4, I called Dr B in the late afternoon... and begged for an appointment for the next day.  Nurse S probably heard the crazed note of a new mom in my voice and scheduled a 2pm - first in the afternoon - appointment the next day.

When I turned up at Dr B's clinic, I was like the wary Smiggle in Lord of the Rings, only that my preciousssssssss is Medium Boy.  Prepared to hold onto him for dear life, and to hiss at anyone who remotely suggested taking him away from me.
Dr B asked me "What was his result?" I said 16.2 and only pricked yesterday, then ventured to ask if she wanted to prick him again today.  She looked at me a tad incredulously, no of course not, she replied, it hurts and one day wont make much of a difference to her diagnosis.  PLUS she is pro-breastfeeding and understood how important skin-to-skin contact is for a successful latch.
She advised me to rent a bilibed instead for home therapy.

OH in that instant, my anxious heart was stilled.
I knew she put her patients' welfare above everything else (Dr B is not above telling me to research more when I asked her about breastfeeding).... I just KNOW.  I can entrust Medium Boy and Small Boy to her good hands, medically.  Now, if I bring just Medium Boy or Small Boy to her, she asks about the other brother.  She is also my mentor in mothering them.... she observed both of them interacting in the consultation room one day and remarked... these 2, they will gang up and cover for each other their misdeeds one day, and YOU, dear mommy, will know nothing unless they choose to tell you.  *grin*

She is a slight woman, is Dr B.

In fact, with her hair down and dressed in a tank top and red shorts when she came into hospital on Easter Sunday 2010 to visit Small Boy, she looked very much the teenager.  The giveaway is the stethoscope around her neck.

I have used her advice and her name "I asked Dr B, and Dr B says tis ok" when the elders wonder aloud in my presence whether I should continue breastfeeding, what age to wean, what age to talk and walk.  When Medium Boy was 18mo, and still made one-word sounds, she simply said, well he is still in the normal range of speech development.... then turned to the extroverted talk-a-mile-a-minute Husband and said, maybe you should give him a chance to reply to you.  :P

Now I am referring my primary school classmate's 20mo daughter's case of UTI Urinary Tract Infection to her.  In this day when I have encountered many doctors who recommend diagnostic tests to cover their own risks, she is truly a doctor worth her weight in gold.