Going back

I promised Medium Boy last night that I will bring him back to his previous school during the June holidays. This conversation started as I browsed through FB statuses and noticed that one of his ex classmates had also changed school.  With effect from Monday this week.  Beckoned Medium Boy over to look at photos and he mentioned a wish to go back and see his friends.... He is a sentimental boy, this elder son of mine.

TGIF

I stagger into the office at 945am.  After eating breakfast with the Husband (on leave, taking the boys to Gardens by the Bay) and the boys.  After feeding half my porridge to Medium Boy and Small Boy.  After squatting and hugging Medium Boy through his poop-in-public-toilet episode - feels like an hour, but really, must be 20mins maximum - because I do not want his legs to touch the dirty toilet seat #.  Small Boy kisses me goodbye in the car – Medium Boy does not, he is busy trying not to sniffle at being away from me – scrutinizes my face after the kiss, and announces “Mama, your face is dirty!”

I walk calmly into the office lift, wait for the small crowd to disperse so that I do not have to take the lift up with anyone vaguely important or anyone that I have to interact with at work.  Dash into the office toilet to check my face.  Yes my face is oily, sunburnt and sprouting pimples.  AAAARGH.  Where did the sunburn come from?  Ah must have been Wed morning at the beach with the dear little ones, playing sand with them.  I do some damage control on my face and walk out to face the world.  I am late for my 10am meeting with my teammate.  Luckily he is still on the phone from his last meeting.  I have a 10min time block to get caffeine.  Phew.

It is a long day already.

# A mummy friend of a girl carries post-it notes around to cover the automatic toilet flush so that little K does not freak out having her bare butt splashed every few minutes.

Circle of Life

There is a moment in a mom’s life where the child turns around and is there for you.

I am coughing for a few weeks since Chinese New Year ended.  The demands of the new job plus the boys’ on-and-off cough is taking its toll on me. 

Last night I was at the table eating dinner, when a sudden coughing fit came onto me when I swallowed my food the wrong way down.  Medium Boy immediately slid off his seat to pat my back, and asked me “Are you ok Mama? Feeling better?”  Small Boy echoed “You ok, Mama?”, also getting off his seat to stroke my back.

They say children are the mirrors of the parents…. At that moment, I am very happy with my reflections :)

For a new mom

My good friend’s wife G is due to give birth anytime now and my dear cousin A is also pregnant.  A announced her 12-week milestone into the second trimester via Facebook.   Ah the power of the new media!

I had A and her husband M over for dinner one night late February.  A asked me the perennial question – how did my life change after becoming a mother?  I have been contemplating this question for 2 weeks now and believe I now have a framework to anwer A.  Let me be unequivocally clear… Life WILL change.  What mothers normally gloss over (or choose to forget, otherwise no one will go on to have seconds and thirds and fourths etc) is that during the first year or motherhood, you will be anxious because everything… repeat, EVERY single thing is new…. the birth process, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, deciphering baby’s cries .  And what do people do when they are anxious?  We fight.  Who do we fight with?  The nearest and dearest husband.  Fighting is a natural response to anxiety.  It is difficult to avoid the reflex under stress.  The most likely topics of dispute are

1.       Money.  Which is tigher than usual

2.       Baby care and housework.  Who picks up the baby when she cries and who changes diapers, shops, finds child care, and manages the countless details of running the home.

3.       Work outside the home. Who earns, who stays home, whose work counts more, who misses work when the baby is sick.

4.       Extended family.  How often the grandparents will visit, what limits and boundaries are set.

5.       Restoring intimacy in the couple.  As in “Sex? What’s that?”

6.       And finally, deciding how to spend what little free time you have together.

If you do not fight about the above issues, others will emerge – practically any subject will do.  The above 6 points are important ones and won’t go away especially if the nearest and dearest is a Man.  Unless you restore the ongoing conversation that you had before children, here is what the future may look like.

1.       Money.  You have lost earning power; he has gained earning power.

2.       Baby care and housework.  You notice and do more, you feel more responsible.

3.       Work outside the home.  His job comes first, he feels more responsible for bringing home the bacon.

4.       Extended family.  You overdeal with his family and he underdeals with his family.

5.       Sex.  You become disinterested as the unequal disbttibution of domestic tasks takes its toll.

6.       … the little free time you have together…. You go out for the evening and spend it arguing about the above items.

*pause for breath*

You say oh no, WE will be different, we will keep communicating….. I tell you sister, the 2 hourly latching, his peaceful sleeping when you are feeding or pumping at night will get to you.  Many are the nights I latched lying down beside the husband and I am just. So. Fed. Up. That he gets to sleep uninterrupted and I do not.  The ILs will get to you… when they comment, you feel obliged to listen.  If they do not comment, you resent that they do not care about the baby.  When they comment about the baby and not you, you resent that they treat you as a mere brood mare, and not a person in your own right.

Thankfully those times are over.  Have another baby…. No thank you.  That option is out for me.  My family is complete and I reckon that our marriage will fall apart under the strain.

Disclaimer and credit: I took the framework (6 points) of this post from “The Mother Dance: How Children change your life”, a book by Harriet Lerner.  The stories however are entirely mine.

Yes I love my children and no, I do not want to spend my every waking minute with them.

I would be interested to know if other moms felt the same way…..

Favourite Toys

Medium Boy has been putting together a very complicated camera from cardboard boxes, plastic colanders (which I usually use to rinse vegetables in the kitchen), and toilet roll holders.  He grabs whoever is passing by and says “Come!  I take your picture….” Leading the person over to the front of his camera.

Small Boy is into bowling and plays with his bowling pins every single night since Nov 2012 when the FIL purchased a play bowling set for him.  Asked him what he loved about bowling, and he says “I like the noise, Mama!” I pity my neighbor living downstairs…. For the sake of neighbourly relations, I sent a cake down when I came back from the ILs... citing Chinese New Year as the reason.

Buying toys seems an absolute waste of money when both boys are playing with odds and ends.  I shall just be a karung guni (recyclables door to door collector, they love electronics!) and pick up cardboard boxes for them to play in.  Cheaper on my wallet plus hey, it builds their imaginations :)

I told the Husband what I was going to blog about today and he added that Mama is their favourite toy!

Lesson in Temperance

We were exiting out of a highway this morning and there were MANY obonoxious drivers.  The Husband muttered under his breath uncomplimentary things about the other drivers. 

Medium Boy piped up from the back seat "Everybody is queueing Papa.  No need to be angry... Just keep driving."

Out of the mouths of babes.

Confidence

Medium Boy's Mandarin teacher in school has feedback that he does know how to form sentences by putting the words together... BUT he needs constant affirmation and encouragement.

He told me last night that we need to buy a mat (!) for me to do his homework with him next week.  [The Montessori school teachers have the children lay out their work on cloth mats, then roll them up when the work is done] 

Next week is holiday week for the boys.  I am thinking of taking Monday and Friday off (or just Wednesday off) to be with the boys in the morning.  My new boss C is going to be on medical leave for a month starting tomorrow, operation for ovarian cyst discovered during a MRI scan on her back.... so I and my 2 teammates need to be around to cover.....

I will see what happens next week.