What a woman in business needs to know when travelling to India

I read an article in weekend TODAY culled from the New York Times that Indian expatriate women who return to India after a stint overseas (presumbly in New York) have to keep all clothing exposing the leg.  Showing cleavage is apparently fine, but not showing the leg.

I better find some pants to cover up while I am in Chennai, India next week.  There goes my plan to wear my knee length black dress office 'uniform'.  Men have it easy.  They only have to match their shirt to their pant to their shoe to their tie colour.... ok, I take it back.  Men have it easier.  Women need to think about whether to wear skirts or pants, how long the skirt/pant should be, how much (if any) to expose of the arm.  Oh my.  Just thinking about clothes gives me a headache.

Working women who want to be taken seriously in the workplace need to dress such that our clothes do not distract from our work message.  That is why when I go into the office, I dress mostly in my knee length black dress uniform.  With a change in accessories, I am able to create different looks.  No such luck for my work trip next week.  Sigh.

Two is enough

When some kaypoh (inquisitive) relatives learn I have 2 boys, their next question is "Are you trying for a girl next?"  My responses range from a polite No, followed by a rapid change in the subject to "Can anyone guarantee that the next baby is a girl, what if it is a boy again? Imagine 3 active boys running around!"

Right now, I really cannot imagine having another baby.  Small Boy woke me up with requests for milk in the middle of the night for 3 consecutive nights, and my body is aching.  Neck, shoulder, upper arms.  Ouch.  The first 2-3 years of a newborn's life requires a mother's constant care... there are just so many things to do that I am unable to carve out my own head space to have a coherant thought!

Maybe in 18 years time, I will look back and say "I wish I had given birth to another one, boy or girl".  Right now, my aching body reminds me that I need to keep myself physically well first in order to be a good mother.

First haircut

Medium Boy went for his first ever haircut at the barber yesterday morning.  The Husband has cut his hair since birth, and at 4 years old.... well, we thought that it is high time he learnt to sit in the barber's chair.

Medium Boy closed his eyes as the hair trimmer approached

See the frown!  Haha.  So cute.

7 habits of highly effective people

I have volunteered to present part of Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People to the rest of my virtual work team, comprising of at least 25 nationalities spread across 15 countries.  The Company believes in development of its people and is now putting its money where its mouth is, by carving out time during the week of 15 October for a enterprise-wise bottom-up funfair-type activity.  No matter my grouses about the Company from time to time, it does take time out to SAYANG the employees.  That is much more than a lot of other companies do.

Extracted from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People 
The First Three Habits surround moving from dependence to independence (i.e., self-mastery):

• Habit 1: Be Proactive

Take initiative in life by realizing that your decisions (and how they align with life's principles) are the primary determining factor for effectiveness in your life. Take responsibility for your choices and the consequences that follow.

• Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

Self-discover and clarify your deeply important character values and life goals. Envision the ideal characteristics for each of your various roles and relationships in life. Create a mission statement.

• Habit 3: Put First Things First

Prioritize, plan, and execute your week's tasks based on importance rather than urgency. Evaluate whether your efforts exemplify your desired character values, propel you toward goals, and enrich the roles and relationships that were elaborated in Habit 2.

Interdependence

The next three have to do with Interdependence (i.e., working with others):

• Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Genuinely strive for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships. Value and respect people by understanding a "win" for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution than if only one person in the situation had gotten his way.

• Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Use empathic listening to be genuinely influenced by a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere of caring, respect, and positive problem solving.

• Habit 6: Synergize

Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals no one person could have done alone.

Self Renewal

The Last habit relates to self-rejuvenation:

• Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle. It primarily emphasizes exercise for physical renewal, prayer (meditation, yoga, etc.) and good reading for mental renewal. It also mentions service to society for spiritual renewal.

I offered to present Habit 1: Be Proactive.  In most of the developmental reviews, I am deemed fearless in approaching others in resolving problems, once I have done my initial analysis.  Virtual presentations are tough in the sense of almost no immediate feedback from body language.  I cannot see if my audience is totally engaged or bored!

Elephants and Bees

The Husband brought Medium Boy out in the car - no we did not get tickets, we were too tight fisted for that - on the Benjamin Sheares bridge last night to hear the roar of the F1 race machines.  Medium Boy and the Husband were watching the race on television when Medium Boy said that the wheels turning reminded him of fans.  The Husband immediately offered to drive him down to the race track, and he said YAY!

When Medium Boy came back, I asked him "What does the racing car sound like?"  He put on this thinking look for a while, tilting his head to the side.  I could not resist prompting "Maybe it sounds like a lion or tiger... roaring?"  He seemed to come to a decision all of a sudden.  "Mama, they sound like 2 different animals - elephants and bees!"

The thump of the elephants' hooves and the whiny drone of the bees put together, do make up the sound of the F1 engines.  You constantly amaze me, Medium Boy.

Medium Boy takes in information via his ears first.  He is an auditory learner, with a secondary kinesthetic sense.  Just like me :)  I remember it was the Husband's voice that first attracted me.  Baritone with a hint of tenor in his laugh.  Now the little boys chirp like soprano birds whenever they are together.  Medium Boy does more chirping than Small Boy currently as his vocabulary is more extensive.  I am pretty sure 2 years down the road, Small Boy will be chirping non stop at his kor kor.. until Medium Boy tells him to keep quiet!

Newspapers reading

I used to read the newspapers faithfully everyday until the boys came along. Then it was a case of glancing through the headlines on the Internet before yet another mommy-related task ate up my time.

I am alone at home now reading both yesterday's and today's newspapers. The Husband brought Medium Boy out to the Esplanade bridge to hear the roar of the F1 engines, and my helper is out with Small Boy. I should enjoy this alone time with the newspapers while I can, instead of blogging :)

Prosperity gospel and Suffering

It is human to want joy, contentment, fulfilment and all things good, without putting in the effort.  I have never heard any sane human being say 'Suffering is good'.  Here lies the appeal of the prosperity gospel.

The prosperity gospel preaches that God wants prosperity and health for every one of us.  If one does enough good deeds, including give money to the preachers, then one will have great fortune.  I raise a skeptical eyebrow to that.  Sounds like an elaborate con job to prey on human vulnerability.

There is a Chinese saying that birth, aging, illness and death are part of being human.  It is not too clear to me whether that saying came from Buddhist or Taoist philosophy.  The saying then goes on to add that how one responds to those 4 afflictions is a personal choice, which dovetails with the idea of free will in the Christian tradition.

One book that dived deeply into the idea of human suffering and its value is Henri Nouwen's "Adam" about the author's encounter with a disabled and eventually bedridden man.  I had a similar encounter with my maternal grandfather while he lay silent in the nursing home during the last 3 years of his life.  I could tell him anything from the depths of my 20-year-old anguish, and then be comforted by his mere presence.  I missed his loving meals then when I was 20, and I miss his presence now. 

Ah.  Such a sombre post for a Friday.