Nigel and Donovan

Their names are Nigel and Donovan.  They are 13 and 7 respectively.  Now they are gone and their parents' hearts will never be whole again.

The part that made me cry on and off today is that Nigel fetched Donovan from a school activity because Nigel wanted his mother to rest before her shift work started at McDonald's.  Nigel loved his mother, and he loved his brother.

There is a poignant saying in Cantonese - the white-haired person should not have to send off the black-haired person = parents should not have to mourn their children.  It goes against the natural order of life.....

6.9 million and 11,933 (2007 figures)

I am thinking about numbers today.

The headline figure for the projected future population of Singapore is 6.9 million.  Might as well call it 7 million of anyone who has even read a bit about how consumer behaviour is driven by a detergent that costs $6.99 versus $7.00.
Without reading the rest of the Population White Paper that the SG government has put out, 7 million seems like a LOT of people on my little red dot of an island.

In the light of the recent SGD 2billion parenthood incentive package, there is another figure that I ask you to consider: 11,933 (2007 figures).  This represents the number of abortions in Singapore.
Compare this to the ~30,000 births that Singapore had in 2011.

All of us have different views in the pro-life vs pro-choice debate. 
Corrinne May, a Singaporean song writer based in Los Angeles, USA, started a discussion thread linking the 6.9 million and 11,933.  Her graceful and lucid replies leave me amazed.......

Look for "Corrinne May" on Facebook.  Her status that triggered the debate was

"If the Singapore government is looking at increasing the population of Singapore and increasing the dismal birthrate, they should take a good look at the abortion laws in Singapore.

In 2007, The Singapore Health Ministry recorded 11,933 a...bortions. That's 11,933 babies that Singapore could have had. The irony is that only Singaporeans or PRs can have an abortion in Singapore. Foreigners are not allowed to do so.

And I still can't believe that parental consent is not required for minors to have an abortion. The irony is that parental consent is required for BCG vaccinations in primary school, but a 12 year old doesn't need one for an abortion, which carries so many more health risks?

Abortion was legalized in Singapore in 1970. Prior to that it was a criminal offence. That change in the law unfortunately went hand in hand with Singapore's population control policies of the 70's, and my generation remembers the slogan often touted in the media at that time, ie. "Two is Enough".

Now the situation is drastically different and Singapore desperately needs more babies. We should look at ways to help more women keep their unborn babies and not abort them. Since Singaporeans often pick up new habits through educational campaigns (think of the 'courtesy campaign' for eg., and the 'please flush the loo' campaign) There needs to be some educational directive that helps women understand how precious every life is. And I'm not kidding when I say that we should start an 'Every Baby is Precious' campaign."

2 sets of Grandparents + 2 children = headache

Before marriage, there is an understanding between the Husband and myself that the marriage contains only 2 of us plus any children that result from our love for each other.  As the boys came along one after the other in quick succession, I realize that both pairs of grandparents have markedly different opinions on education, schooling, morals, chores and how children should behave in general.  From my personal observations and the stories I hear amongst friends, this is a common problem amongst married couples nearing the 5-7 year stage, or when the eldest child is 2-3 years away from primary school education.

Suddenly my marriage seems a tad crowded....

What then to do?  There is no magic answer to wave away this problem.  A healthy dose of imagination to put yourself in the shoes of the other set of grandparents… to understand where they are coming from… and a belief that they truly love and want the best (however that is defined) for the grandchildren, go a long way.

But…. Why is my man so dense in this area?  I am struggling to figure out whether it is just him, or common to all mankind.

The wheels of the bus go round and round

Medium Boy had a cut on his big toe last night.

"Mama, I dun wanna go to school tomorrow" was his plaintive plea as we laid our heads on the pillow to sleep.

I told him that things will look better in the morning, and let's see how his toe is faring when he wakes up tomorrow.

After a few tosses, he stuck his head into my face and said "Mama, I dun want to go to Chinese school too!"  [I send him to Berries class to learn some Chinese from 5pm to 645pm every Friday]

Today I called aunt and asked if there was any fuss at all going to Chinese class.  Turns out that Medium Boy WANTED to go because he got to be on the bus for a bus ride.  Gah!  All my mommy reasoning and bribing (last week, it took a chocolate bar....) and all it took was a BUS RIDE!!!!

Ah but I am thinking from my own point of view.  A bus ride is a truly exciting treat for a 4-going-on-5 little boy whose privileged life has been spent being ferried in the car by Papa and Mama Transport Company.  I must learn to think like he does.....

No more "death by powerpoint"

I have attended many presentations in my work.  Uninspiring presentations are so common that there is even a term for it: death (not literally, in the sense of being bored to death) by powerpoint.  Sigh.

A work colleague in the new department forwarded "Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs" to me.

I found the 3 "Acts" immensely helpful and the theory of "90 hours for 30 slides" shocking!

2 other presenters I admire are Carly Fiorina during her tenure as HP CEO, and .... (this one is a shocker, even for myself... I gleaned this tip from sitting next to a very powerful woman at dinner, a woman who once headed the upstream exploration department of the Indonesian National Oil Company)... ahem, Angelina Jolie when she is talking about her UNICEF humanitarian work.

A Life of Meaning

A friend of mine posted this article on facebook from the online news aggregator thealtantic.com titled “There’s more to life than being happy”.  Intrigued by the title, I clicked on the link and kept on reading…

Three points jumped out at me as I read.

1)      “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing," Frankl wrote in Man's Search for Meaning, "the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." I anchor this into my own religious faith, that God gave humans free will to choose AND the intellect to think, to question and to come to a conclusion.

2)      How does the happy life and meaningful life differ?  Happy people get a lot of joy from receiving benefits from others while people leading meaningful lives get a lot of joy from giving to others.  I volunteer; I have a job I work hard at; I am married; I have 2 children.  All these activities do not make sense from the happiness perspective (I would be much happier exercising, or watching CSI on TV) but they totally make sense from the meaningful-life point of view.

3)      The pursuit of meaning is what makes humans uniquely human.

Yesterday, I went for tea with some new friends, and one of them asked me casually (in response to the SG government’s SGD2billion stimulus to boost fertility rates http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/1249234/1/.html)

“Celine, are you going to have a third child?”

I have assessed and determined for myself that there is mental space for only Medium Boy and Small Boy in my life, given that I still want to work (and be good at my job), have space and time for hobbies and generally having more vivid strong moments. 

Here’s to a more meaningful life in 2013!

… Ha!  I do have a new year resolution after all…

Papa is not driving a Ferrari anytime soon

This is a conversation that Medium Boy had with the Husband one evening as the Husband was putting away his collection of Ferrari toy cars bought during Shell petrol promotions.

Hb: when you grow up, will you buy Papa a Ferrari to drive in?

(Between the Husband and myself, we joke that Medium Boy is likely to end up as an engineer or scientist of some sort... Hey, he might be the Director of technical development for Ferrari on the F1 track... Husband figured that MB is never gonna be an F1 driver with his 2 left feet... The same 2 left feet I have! :p)

MB: (looks at the Ferrari cars and at his Papa) NOOOooooo Papa, you are too big to fit in!!!

Hb: (laughs and puts on a mock indignant look) Are you saying Papa is too fat?!?!