Songs in the car

- courtesy warning.  this post contains references to bodily secretions.-

Starting sometime in June, when we were on a long drive to Sengkang in the middle of the night, and the 2 boys were sitting at the back by themselves.

Medium Boy started the fireworks song. Medium Boy and Small Boy made hexi-don-te shapes (helix with one bend) with the mesh window shades, and sang

"We are making hexi-don-tes
And FIREWORKS
and we like this place
and we like to sing"

accompanied by tossing the mesh up in the air on the word fireworks.  Small Boy giggled as he followed his brother's actions.

This Monday, Medium Boy started the toilet humour song.  "Papa," he started to tell the Husband..... "I am driving, talk to Mama" was the response... then "Mama..." to me.

MB: listen Mama, I am having a tea party with poo-poo and pee-pee.  *mimes drinking from a teacup*
*giggles madly*

Tuesday.  The tea party expanded to include boo-boo (MB's term for boogers that come out of his nose) and pass gas.

Having grown up in a mostly-female household, I am grossed out.  The Husband thinks MB is just being a boy though....  The 5yo is getting cheekier!

First day of school

We touched down from Malaysia on Sunday at 11am, rushed to unpack, put the boys down to nap at 230pm [they gave into fatigue only at 345pm], woke them up at 645pm for a family dinner…. And today is the first day of school after a month.

Medium Boy got up bright and early by himself as his diaper had leaked.

Small Boy woke up grudgingly. 

The Husband walked them up to the school entrance at 7.53am.  Small Boy cries and clings to me when I send them up.  It is a far gentler start to the day when the Husband sends them up.

Back to work after a week long holiday.  Taking a deep breath and plunging straight in.  Sure feels like the first day of school for me too.

OH!  Today is the first day of the second half of the year.  I haven’t even got my 2013 work deliverables agreed with my boss yet. 

Holidays bleah

Mommies like routine.  Ok this mommy likes Medium Boy and Small Boy to have a routine.  I really believe that little ones behave better when they know what to expect next.

Holidays are a time of relaxing the routine, hence it wrecks havoc with my own routine.

The Husband on the other hand thinks nothing of disrupting the routine to go off on adventures..... Swimming.  Beach combing.  Watching a centipede make its way across the pavement.  Aargh.  Drives me crazy. 

Things get even crazier when these adventurous activities eat into nap time.  For then, I have 2 half-sleepy boys on my hands who are prone to sudden bursts of energy in between their general lethargy.

I have put my foot down and insist that their adventures tomorrow are confined to the morning.  3 days without naps is messing up my own routine!  I miss the time to potter around the house, do my own things without having to act as a referee every 10 minutes, or thinking up activities to keep both Medium Boy and Small Boy occupied.

Having the other set of grandparents watching like hawks over our everyday activities (since when did my life become a soccer match for your commentary.....) is also not fun.

I miss Singapore, my own home, even though the weather is still hazy.

Reckon I am having an AARGH moment.
Breathe Celine breathe.....

Oxygen masks

Airplane safety advisory tell passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before attending to a child.

I now remind myself to take care of myself first before I am able to take care of Medium Boy and Small Boy, plus date the Husband.  The past 2 weeks have been very challenging for my little family with 2 job transitions, and 3 people falling sick (I am the last woman standing dosing myself with Vitamin C and fish oil).  Last night was the first night since Monday 18 Feb that I have slept through the night........  The boys take turns waking up to cough, I wake up to care for them, my night's rest is interrupted, I have a low grade headache all through the day, I drink 2 cups of coffee to get through the work day in a haze.... 10 WHOLE days! 

Exercise and yoga, mini garden have all paused for now as I struggle to regain my footing.

2 sets of Grandparents + 2 children = headache

Before marriage, there is an understanding between the Husband and myself that the marriage contains only 2 of us plus any children that result from our love for each other.  As the boys came along one after the other in quick succession, I realize that both pairs of grandparents have markedly different opinions on education, schooling, morals, chores and how children should behave in general.  From my personal observations and the stories I hear amongst friends, this is a common problem amongst married couples nearing the 5-7 year stage, or when the eldest child is 2-3 years away from primary school education.

Suddenly my marriage seems a tad crowded....

What then to do?  There is no magic answer to wave away this problem.  A healthy dose of imagination to put yourself in the shoes of the other set of grandparents… to understand where they are coming from… and a belief that they truly love and want the best (however that is defined) for the grandchildren, go a long way.

But…. Why is my man so dense in this area?  I am struggling to figure out whether it is just him, or common to all mankind.

Raising Boys

Medium Boy has been speaking lately to me about what good guys do and what bad guys do.
He wants to be the good guy and save the world.  *grin*

This dovetails with what Michael Gurian talks about in the 'magical boy' phase that lasts till boys are adolescents in his book "The purpose of boys" in Chapter 3.  Picked the book up from the library a couple of weeks back.

Here is a 2009 interview with Gurian when he launched the book.

This topic is very close to my heart.  I am learning how to raise boys on the go.
I have neither brothers, nor close male cousins who grew up with me.  All I observe about boys and men are from a distance.  Before Small Boy's gender was confirmed at the 20-week ultrasound, I had spoken to him in utero as if he were a girl.  Had even picked a name - Clarice - for the baby!  Now I am grateful I have 2 boys... a boy should have a brother, and a girl, a sister. 

I love my active, sweaty-headed little boys :) even when they drive me up the wall fighting for toys.

Strong Wills

I have a temper.  Kind friends of mine say I am strong-willed. 
The Husband has a temper.  Kind friends of his, plus his parents, say he is strong-willed.

Add 2 strong wills together.... is it any surprise that both Medium Boy and Small Boy have strong wills too?  Ater all, there is a 100% chance genetically that Medium Boy and Small Boy are determined little boys.  I look into their eyes and how they act, and I know..... these boys, they have fight in them. 
This song "Little People" from Les Miserables illustrates what the little people can do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppotuhZjIkA

Medium Boy as a newborn clamped onto me so hard that I bled on Day 9 when latching him (note to new moms: check latch position!), and cried - loudly and frequently - in protest whenever I unlatched him.   Poor thing was probably hungry half the time..... The lactation consultant I called that day diagnosed that Medium Boy's tongue was prone to stick to the roof of his mouth, and taught me to quickly run my finger along his gum to get his tongue down before latching him.  On hindsight, I should have known that, seems common sense now... however at that time, common sense flys out the window for a new mom though.... that thought did not occur to me then.

[Side note re healing bleeding nipples - please skip this section if you are sqeamish or are not a breastfeeding mom
1.  Air dry 
2.  Salt bath (dilute salt solution) for 20mins to half hour at a time
3.  Spread a few drops of expressed milk onto the bleeding area]

Small Boy as a newborn latched onto me for an hour immediately after birth.  I joke with the Husband that his latching lasted half as long as his 2 hour labour.  He latched well, too well, in fact.  Every time I carried him, he would root his way to my boob.  Drank until his little stomach was round as a barrel.  Then proceed to puke mouthfuls of milk out, like a Merlion.  Every. Single. Feed.
I gave in at the 6 week mark and stuck a pacifier into his seeking mouth.

Channeling these 2 strong-willed forces of nature to grow into literate, numerate men with EQ, is my life's work for the next 18 years.

I pray for them before they were born, and now over them every night "O Lord, help me grow them into wise and compassionate men, men after your own Heart."  ...... with the Husband in mind as the human model when I prayed.

Education Arms Race - not for my boys!

This is what a typical Primary 1 student knows in Singapore at 6 years old before she enters the formal education system.  I gleaned this list from talking to parents with kids 2-3 years older than Medium Boy.

- Recognises, spells and reads phonetically English words.  Be able to finish a storybook by himself.
- Recognises, writes and reads at least 20 Chinese characters.... and I am being charitable when I say 20.  My alma mater would probably require the child to know 200 Chinese characters.
- Addition and subtraction up to 20 is passe.  Multiplication up to the 10 times tables is good.

How to preserve Medium Boy's self esteem in this competitive arena?  First I refuse to be drawn into the P1 arms race to the bottom by choosing the correct school for him.  Next I will further his strong moments in science and spatial intelligence.  He listens well (his auditory sense is like mine!  Mr Bach will appeal to his sense of order... Small Boy hmmm... more of a Beethoven at the moment) and needs a tangible result at the end of his learning process.  Use his strengths in concentrating at his passion..... I still have the video of him at 7 months turning an orchid flower in his tiny hand for 20 minutes.... He is more than capable of focus when he loves the subject matter.  Educate him on cars, wind and the weather.   Those are HIS strong moments.

As a parent, it is heartbreaking for me that the education arms race starts before the time a 6 year old enters formal education.  Singapore is such a competitive society that our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights.  Childhood cannot and should not be a race.  I would like for the boys to learn their passions, and retain their love of learning, all through to adulthood.

I take a deep breath..... and I remind myself of the wisdom here.  Hey Medium Boy sat through a (very) short burst of Chinese reading today!  Victory :)

Keep Children in school till 7pm

Consciously deciding whether to have children, and if so, how many, is an inherently personal decision highly sensitive to quality-of-life issues.  Bringing a child into this world is a long term commitment of time, energy and money..... I see more of my peers deciding not to have children simply because they perceive themselves as being unable to commit the time or energy or money to children.  Responsible or irresponsible?  How will this play out in the future for Singapore as a society? 

The game theory concept of the prisoners' dilemma may be applied to this situation.  For the individual, it is a conscious utility-maximising (short term of course, but as the famous 1930s American economist Keynes states "we are all dead in the long run", so who cares about the long term.....) NOT to have children.  Even though the collective effect of all these individual decisions result in an ageing society with fewer people in the 'economically active' age group of 21-55.

Time to rethink what Singapore, and Singaporeans, perceives our prized human capital to be. 

Having children cannot and must not be a pure economic decision..... Values have a big part to contribute to raising Singapore's Total Fertility Rate, currently standing at a dismal 1.2.  I have children because of my personal belief that they bring purpose and meaning to my life.  In no other human relationship does one have complete and utter responsibility for another human being, love etched into the heart, love occupying my waking hours.  Work Life Balance eludes me... and then I am strangely encouraged when even a senior member of the American goverment admits that she cannot have it all.

The headline on Page 3 of the Straits Times "Keep kids in school till 7pm so mums can go to work?" is, in my opinion, delibrately provocative.  I am certain there will be a flurry of letters to the Forum page from working moms as well as stay-at-home moms tomorrow and for days after, so I shall not add to the deluge.  I shall watch this space to see how this part of our national conversation plays out in the media.

Monday Reboot

Small Boy woke this Monday morning when the sunlight came in.  He was awake at 645am.  The sun tends to rise early these days... hmm... the sky is usually dark by 7pm.  There are indeed seasons in Singapore, but one needs to be very observant to notice the slight differences of time passing.

Medium Boy woke at 730am.  Drank his chocolate milk that Popo bought for him on Saturday.

I am back at home by 835am after chauffeur duties.  It is a good start to the week.....

Mr Bach

I appreciate music and prose that is orderly.  Mr Bach (I call him that in my mind as if he is my favourite uncle) wrote music that comprise of variations on a theme.  Using a 4 note base, he is able to craft a concise elegant piece that may be played backwards, forwards, upside down... and all of that makes for good music that is easy on the ear.  His technical expertise wows.

I remember starting with Bach’s The Well Tempered Clavier Prelude in C Major (youtube video here) when I was 8 or 9 years old, and working my way through the 48 pieces.  Simply because I loved his music… and I enjoyed making music together with Mr Bach.

Bach's fugues and preludes typically span 4-7 minutes when played.  They are akin to appetizers presented with elegance and depth, and what depth they provide when I start to pull them apart to discover the rules behind.  Listening to Bach music is pleasant... they are not the airy and frothy confections of Mozart desserts.  I love desserts, but eating too many desserts make me sick in the stomach.  Bach’s tapas suit me just fine.

In Bach’s world, music is like mathematics.  There are rules around harmonics (segueing between different sounds) that he adheres to, and then adds his own seemingly exhaustive variations on the rules such that each prelude and fugue is a beautiful bonsai (miniature Japanese garden).  Perhaps I like Mr Bach because I like the simplicity of mathematical building blocks.  Everything may be derived from first principles and that is perfect for me… I do not have to memorise much!  I am lazy that way…

Watching the Piano Guys perform gave me a new reason to exercise my fingers on the keyboard again.    

I am teaching Medium Boy and Small Boy how to recognize the keys on the piano, so that should give me more reason to pick up piano playing again.  Their most requested song is currently “Happy Birthday” J

A Future Ready Child

This post is about fulfilling Medium Boy's and Small Boy's human potential.  Not just academic potential, which has been the main (and often ONLY) point in the local newspapers The Straits Times in the whole furore on tweaking the PSLE *

I work in a global company which leaves its energy footprint over the 7 continents (except for maybe Antarctica).  When I look around and see how success is defined, it is not by sheer intellectual horsepower.  Yes, the proof of brains (the degree) gets you through the door to be interviewed, but after that, success is defined by the ability to look beyond in 2 dimensions – (1) space… looking beyond the current functional or business area, and (2) time… looking beyond now into the future.  This is the Company which coined the term “helicopter vision” and uses “scenario planning” to plot the future environment it foresees itself operating in.  Success is also how to build a shared vision, and bringing in the relationships (EQ = emotional quotient) aspect, how to motivate others to believe and act on your shared vision.

Academic success and life success
I am a true product of the Singaporean education system.  The first thing that I do when I enter the examination hall for a qualitative essay type subject like General Paper, Economics, Literature and Geography is to read the questions from top to bottom.   I take a slightly different approach for quantitative subjects like Mathematics but rest assured that I would have pored over the syllabus to determine the boundaries of what the syllabus determines I need to know. I do not waste time studying out of syllabus.  There is simply no time.
This type of exam smart training enables me to size up situations and parameters quickly, but only in a structured environment.  Life however is not always structured.

The Husband on the other hand was schooled in Malaysia. His childhood was spent outdoors (camping, swimming in waterfalls, catching grasshoppers for sale), entrepreneurship (buying stickers from the wet market, and selling them to his classmates for a 200% margin), helping his mom with housework and games.  School was a place to socialize and earn money from his peers.  The Husband is street smart, and quick thinking on his feet, compared to exam-smart me. 

There is a place for academic success.  But unless you want to spend your life in academia, the degrees and postgrad degrees.. all these only build the foundations, the theories and concepts, for living.  Life is inherently messy.

The boys need time to grow in EQ and SQ (Social Quotient).  Time to play, explore and yes, devise ways to hustle, to make a living from their passions.  People who care about the community that we all live in.  To grow into men I am proud to call my sons.

To be all that, they need time to discover and then develop proficiency in their passions.

Hence I am not sending Medium Boy and Small Boy to my alma mater, where they will most likely spend way too much time on homework, and how to ace exams.  Instead they are going to a holistic school in the eastern part of Singapore, because I want a childhood for them, and lifelong friends who spend time on the soccer field (or other sports) and in community service. 


* PSLE = Primary School Leaving Examinations.  All 12 year olds in Singapore, including the tiny minority who are home-schooled, have to take the PSLE.

Books, books, books

Small Boy likes to read.  When I sit on the living room floor to read, he will pull out a book for me to read to him.  Usually it would be either 'Goodnight Moon' or 'Brown Bear'.  Spot the Dog series plus Karen Katz books are also Small Boy's favourite books as he likes to open the flaps to see what lies beneath. 

He enjoys the Usborne number rhymes and action rhymes that I borrow from the library too.
There was an Electricity book that he and Medium Boy pored over, plus an alphabet race car book that starts with A for Announcer [Medium Boy likes to read aloud the words 'Gentlemen, start your engines!' that the A for Announcer text has] and ends with Z for Zoom!  Both boys pause at the M for Motor page to admire the engine and various moving parts.  K for Kill Switch also gets their attention as there are speedometers and aldometers to count.  The Husband is a big F1 Ferrari fan... so he directs their attention to the car's dashboard whenever all of us are in the car.

Medium Boy used to like to read too.  Then he grew up a little bit, and discovered there is lots to explore outside of my lap.  His favourite book now is 'Little Red Rocket Hood' with Disney Junior's Little Einsteins as the subplot characters.  .... because.... the main character is a ROCKET, and rockets have propellars!

Complete reponsibility for another human being

I met up with an old friend and now financial advisor D today, partly to catch up and partly to rebalance my portfolio.  He is childless by choice and intends never to have children.  Other than choosing a life partner, I cannot think of any other decision that will have such a great impact on a person's overall life satisfaction and happiness... can you think of any?

Raising Medium Boy and Small Boy is a lot of work, and they sometimes drive me up the wall.  However, it takes just one hug, one kiss from either of them to make my day.  The evenings reading with them in my lap, those are the best part of my day.  Yes I tell them that too.

Dictionary.com defines happiness as the quailty and state of being happy.... *frown* so I just had to look up how 'happy' is defined.  The first definition of happy is "delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing".
Contentment on the other hand is "a peaceful state of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified".

D, I pray for you that you will be content with your decision in 30 years' time.  Your financial portfolio would definitely be bigger than mine then... but as Morrie says in "Tuesdays with Morrie" - "There is no experience like having children...If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children."

Oh I so want to hug my Medium Boy and Small Boy now!  In the middle of the work day....

Blogging about Children

As I blog, I am keenly aware that both Medium Boy and Small Boy will be readers of my blog one day.  They will see themselves as I see them.  Hence in this respect, it is not bragging to talk about their accomplishments and how proud I am of them.  Make no mistake, I AM proud of them, my 2 little boys.

• Medium Boy thanked Small Boy today for passing a toy over, and Small Boy responded "You are welcome!"
• Medium Boy let Small Boy have Medium Boy's self-appointed task to press the lift button IN the lift.  [between them, they worked out that Small Boy presses buttons outside the lift; Medium Boy presses buttons inside the lift]
• Small Boy took a car to Medium Boy when Medium Boy was crying, and said 'Sayang (= comfort) kor kor, be happy, don't cry.....'

It is not that I have no problems being a mother to them, not by any long shot.  I am not perfect.  They are not perfect.  BUT I love them whole-heartedly, yes with my whole heart.  No matter what they achieve, no matter who they are, simply because they belong to me and the Husband. 

Didi is not a pet!

One evening, some time ago, Medium Boy was playing with Small Boy in the Ikea tent we put up for them in the playroom.  Medium Boy had to poo.  He took Small Boy by the shoulders, pushed him (lightly, but it was still a push) into the tent, and told Small Boy "I go poo poo, you stay here."

O_O

The Husband and I pulled Medium Boy aside and told him that his didi is not a kitten or puppy!  He needs to respect his brother as a person.

Eternal curves

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201206/eternal-curves

Woah oh.... a reason to love my curves!  Being hippy means more DHA for myself and my progeny :)

"A woman’s figure signals the abundance of her DHA supply. Studies show that women with curvier hourglass figures have more DHA stored in their body fat. And because DHA makes brains work better, these curvier women also tend to have smarter children and, contrary to what you might expect, to be smarter themselves."

The DHA or whatnot in my breastmilk certainly helped Medium Boy and Small Boy triple their birth weight by the time they were 4 to 5 months old.   My boss then PB said tripling of birth weight normally occurs when the baby is nearly 1 year old.  Strapping boys then, and still strapping boys now.

Navel gazing

Small Boy was born 2 and a half years ago.  I looked down at my navel, hence literally navel gazing, and the 'linea negra' that runs down my abdomen is totally gone now.  YAY!

Used to run pretty regularly before I met the husband.  Thanks to his foodie tendencies, too many meals of eating well has left its mark on my girth.  I have not seen my abdominal muscles for 6 years now.  Sigh.  *perks up* I have 2 handsome boys now.  I consider it a more than fair exchange - taut abdominal muscles for my sons.

Hypobirthing with Ginny Phang helped me to give birth drug free, no gas no epidural nothing.  It was not bravado.  All my reading and research led me to believe strongly that a drug free birth equals an alert baby ready to latch after birth.  Both Medium Boy and Small Boy responded to the Husband's soft whisper of their names straightaway after birth.  Me?  I remember feeling exhilarated and exhausted simultaneously.