Raising Boys

Medium Boy has been speaking lately to me about what good guys do and what bad guys do.
He wants to be the good guy and save the world.  *grin*

This dovetails with what Michael Gurian talks about in the 'magical boy' phase that lasts till boys are adolescents in his book "The purpose of boys" in Chapter 3.  Picked the book up from the library a couple of weeks back.

Here is a 2009 interview with Gurian when he launched the book.

This topic is very close to my heart.  I am learning how to raise boys on the go.
I have neither brothers, nor close male cousins who grew up with me.  All I observe about boys and men are from a distance.  Before Small Boy's gender was confirmed at the 20-week ultrasound, I had spoken to him in utero as if he were a girl.  Had even picked a name - Clarice - for the baby!  Now I am grateful I have 2 boys... a boy should have a brother, and a girl, a sister. 

I love my active, sweaty-headed little boys :) even when they drive me up the wall fighting for toys.

The Strength of a Tigress

I remember reading this story in a natural birthing book when I was at Dr Lai Fon Min's clinic.

A mom has a special needs child, Sean.  Sean turned 16 years old and he passed a very important academic exam at the end of the year.  She spent one week in bed, completely worn out and exhausted, crying most of the time.  When her friend asked her out of concern how she is, she replied "Sean is finally where he ought to be.  I am just recovering now."  Such is the strength of a mother.

A mother is born at the same moment when the baby is born.  I understand now why Amy Chua titled her book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" for I find within myself the strength of the tiger when my boys are at risk.

Which applies equally to a wife.  I do not have the luxury of staying in bed for a week though.  The Husband started work this week and is finally where he ought to be. 

*Exhale BIG breath out*

Quote of the day

"People who are weak and vulnerable can also awaken in us what is most dark and ugly.  Their cry, their provocations, their constant demands and their depression can unmask our own anguish and violence.  But isn't it true that in order to grow in our humanity, we need to recognise the voilence and the power of hatred within our own heart, all that we consider shameful and try to hide?  In L'Arche, we are gradually learning how to manage these fears and energies in a positive way and how to free ourselves from the powers of destruction within us."

- Jean Vanier (The Scandal of Service: Jesus Washes our Feet, page 2-3)

I first came across the L'Arche community in Henri Nouwen's book "Adam" where the able bodied and specially abled live, work and pray together in a community located somewhere in France.  Singapore hosts a similar church-based community, however all return home to their families at the end of the day.

"Adam" held a powerful idea that the weak could help the strong.  That is soooo not the concept that Singapore as a country adopts... The weak are to be helped to become strong.

Complete reponsibility for another human being

I met up with an old friend and now financial advisor D today, partly to catch up and partly to rebalance my portfolio.  He is childless by choice and intends never to have children.  Other than choosing a life partner, I cannot think of any other decision that will have such a great impact on a person's overall life satisfaction and happiness... can you think of any?

Raising Medium Boy and Small Boy is a lot of work, and they sometimes drive me up the wall.  However, it takes just one hug, one kiss from either of them to make my day.  The evenings reading with them in my lap, those are the best part of my day.  Yes I tell them that too.

Dictionary.com defines happiness as the quailty and state of being happy.... *frown* so I just had to look up how 'happy' is defined.  The first definition of happy is "delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing".
Contentment on the other hand is "a peaceful state of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified".

D, I pray for you that you will be content with your decision in 30 years' time.  Your financial portfolio would definitely be bigger than mine then... but as Morrie says in "Tuesdays with Morrie" - "There is no experience like having children...If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children."

Oh I so want to hug my Medium Boy and Small Boy now!  In the middle of the work day....