Intuition

Intuition is nothing more than taking in data points, and seeing a pattern.

My intuition kicked in ~2 years ago.  On a work telecon meeting with my teammates, I listened half-heartedly to the usual preamble of how are yous, and what has been the highlight/lowlight of the past fortnight, when suddenly my teammate mentioned that she was in hospital for a week.  I messaged her almost immediately to ask how she was, and was she better.  After she evaded giving me a straight answer after I asked what was her illness.... I said... "Did you have a miscarriage?"

She was surprised enough to start yes, and really how did I know?

The data points are (1) she is normally a bubbly, enthusiastic person (2) she sounded sad - yes it came through in her voice even though the telecon only had audio without video (3) I know she had been trying for a baby from a previous conversation.  Putting all these separate pieces of information together, I deduced that she had been pregnant, and lost the baby.
See, easy peasy.

This afternoon, I went to an alternative healer who is trained in the ancient Chinese art of bone therapy.  He asked me to lie face down, felt along my spine, and said a couple of startling things about me, things that I never expected a total stranger to know about me....

Intuition?  Tis his training in the healing arts that gave him these insights into me.  My body really was laid out before him like a map.  This spot was connected to my heart, this to my colon, this to my reproductive system.  WOW.

I suppose it only seems wow to me, because I am not trained to see what he saw.

In the age of Google where every fact can be found with a search, the art of intuition is even more crucial for excelling in one's chosen field.  A teacher leads you to the facts, education is seeing patterns when the data points are a mess to the untrained eye.

Feedback from AJ

I asked for feedback from my work team on my displayed behaviours and how it maps to the new leadership attributes of authenticity, growth, performance and collaboration.

This is how I look like to A and J from Germany.
It is fun to interact with me as I have a good sense of humour and offer different views on an issue!  thank you thank you *grin*
My resilience needs working on... This is not shown by losing composure, but rather by hiding from a situation and affecting my health.

I view all feedback as a gift and it is very obvious that A and J spent some time on my request for feedback.  I am grateful I have honest and open teammates to open Room 2 (Blind Spot) of my Johari Window.

Will chase the rest of my teammates and my ex boss for the feedback.  Accepting feedback is easy.... acting on that feedback is a life long learning process.

To defend a right

When a man fights, it is normally to acquire.
When a woman fights, it is normally to defend.

What I am defending now...  the right of a person to a life outside of work.

One of the Chennai team has postponed his medical examinations for 6 weeks now just so that he may complete his tests.  The tester in KL came back to work 3 days after her father had a hernia operation so that she may complete her tests.  The data keeps changing in the test system.

Why does work have to be so hard?  It should not and must not be the reason for not taking care of yourself, and not taking care of loved ones.

These are real people.  REAL people with a life.  Not just another digit in the Company.

Strong Moments

Most people would have encounted the phrase 'win-win' negotiations where both parties are supposed to walk away good with the outcomes they have negotiated for themselves.  When I look at Medium Boy and Small Boy, I waver sometimes in my decision not to send them to my alma mater primary school.    Is it possible that they are the skilful minority who are able to excel academically and grow up with values of community service, care for self and others, and generally being a good neighbour?  I do not know.  The debate continues in my mind.

I recall Jack Goodwin, a Texan cowboy with a doctorate in business, and my teacher in the courses "Customer Service" and "Managing... (something or other)", booming from the front of the lecture hall.... "Re-MEM-ber the power of AND, and the tyranny of OR!"

Oh Jack, we all have 24 hours in a day.  In every single aspect of life (family, health, work, community), I need to model to the boys how to live strong and live fully.  Weak moments, how matter how good my performance the external world judges it to be, ultimately weaken me... they are the things that I feel energy draining from me when I am doing them.....

My strong moments occur when

• I figure something out
• I spend time by myself reading, writing or preparing my mind
• a fresh insight dawns on me
• I have an in-depth conversation with someone
• I have a chance to show my expertise.
• I discover the few critical improvements that make the difference
• someone calls me out of the blue and relies on my opinion
• I clarify a complex issue for someone, she acts on what I tell her, and I see her succeed
• I land on a distinction that reveals an elemental truth about the world
• I am asked to be an expert witness.

I will continue to observe Medium Boy and Small Boy to find out what their strong moments are.

Observations on Medium Boy's strong moments here
To be continued...

Sun Salutations

This morning, I needed a boost of energy to start the day.  I remember reading from either Style or Shape or Female about yoga sun salutations ~10 years ago.  Even stuck the page up with Blu Tack onto my cupboard so that I did 8 sets every morning.  The Sun Salutations are a series of 12 poses that build strength and flexibility.
Googled and this is the best animation.  The basic steps in pictorial form is here.
I completed 4 sets this morning, and find myself out of breath.   This exercise is not as easy as the animation makes it look!

Handling the boys alone for an evening plus the demands of the job meant a very physically exhausted and cranky me... which led to Medusa Mom moments with both Medium Boy and Small Boy last evening and this morning.  Sigh.  I really need to sleep more, eat well and exercise.  To last the distance, as my virtual colleague M from Austria has been reminding me for the past week.  He said that one rushed soul recognises another..... I am not sure if I am happy that he cares, or perturbed that he is able to pick up my hectic life even from the next continent.

Time for my breakfast of cheest on toast after exercising.  As Stephen Covey says in Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw, I need to stop and take a breath, and work on my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspect of life.

I shudder at becoming a MIL

Sometimes the most unexpected posts turn up from the most unexpected people in facebook.

This was posted by someone whom I know to be a staunch Buddhist believer.  Out of curiosity, and partly because of the URL, I clicked onto the link, and found myself nodding in agreement. 

The time will come when Medium Boy and Small Boy choose their spouses.  Together with choosing a job (how to spend their time), this is probably the most important other life decision (who to spend their time with) that they will make at some point.

When I realise I will not have daughters (see previous post), I shuddered at the thought of one day becoming the dreaded woman - the Mother In Law.

Kind Regards

Yesterday I was in a Kind Regards mode when I gatecrashed the call with C's team to talk about the mini project that I am coordinating.  To understand what is a Kind Regards mode, I need to explain how I open and end my emails.

In normal everymode, I start with Hello or Hi, and end with Best rgds.
When talking to my teammates, A, B, J, L and R and my ex boss J,  I sometimes dispense with the opening salutations and end with Cheers.  As we know each other very well and had been through a very trying time together in early 2012.
When I am annoyed with someone, and I still need to keep the tone civil [the Company is a very civil company.  Even when people disagree, as we all do at work sometimes, there are no vulgarities or profanity or references to anyone's mother on emails.  People state positions, and we figure out a way to collaborate and get things done.  End of story], then I end with Kind Regards.  Spelled out in full.

The other coordinator in C's team T (Hungarian 30 something male) is normally a quiet and amusing person.  In this particular instance, he stepped on my toes by his continued silence on how his work overlaps with mine ... he does not see that our work overlaps so he does not keep me or my boss E informed.  At all.  And then boom, last Thursday, he comes up with a deliverable that threatens to derail my/E's part of the project.  Via email of all the communication medium... and he did not even have the courtesy to call me first to give a heads up.  Just shot an email to me asking for my agreement that he should proceed. 

I joined C's call yesterday and I did something that I rarely do at work.  While T talked, I talked over him.  In the Asian culture, it is VERY rude to talk over someone.  You have to wait for someone to finish talking first, then start.  But T is European so he did not know that I was being very rude.  Hey, he talks over me too, so fair is fair.

When I emailed C's team after the call to write notes on what I had presented and who is to do what next steps, I was so annoyed that I dispensed entirely with opening and closing salutations.   If I could bullet point my 2 pithy sentences, I would have.  That was how annoyed I was.

J pinged me on communicater later to check how I was.  I am ok actually, just that I needed to drive home the point to both C and T that if T continues with his silence and sudden requests, he jeopardises my/E's deliverable.

The Strength of a Tigress

I remember reading this story in a natural birthing book when I was at Dr Lai Fon Min's clinic.

A mom has a special needs child, Sean.  Sean turned 16 years old and he passed a very important academic exam at the end of the year.  She spent one week in bed, completely worn out and exhausted, crying most of the time.  When her friend asked her out of concern how she is, she replied "Sean is finally where he ought to be.  I am just recovering now."  Such is the strength of a mother.

A mother is born at the same moment when the baby is born.  I understand now why Amy Chua titled her book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" for I find within myself the strength of the tiger when my boys are at risk.

Which applies equally to a wife.  I do not have the luxury of staying in bed for a week though.  The Husband started work this week and is finally where he ought to be. 

*Exhale BIG breath out*

Quote of the day

"People who are weak and vulnerable can also awaken in us what is most dark and ugly.  Their cry, their provocations, their constant demands and their depression can unmask our own anguish and violence.  But isn't it true that in order to grow in our humanity, we need to recognise the voilence and the power of hatred within our own heart, all that we consider shameful and try to hide?  In L'Arche, we are gradually learning how to manage these fears and energies in a positive way and how to free ourselves from the powers of destruction within us."

- Jean Vanier (The Scandal of Service: Jesus Washes our Feet, page 2-3)

I first came across the L'Arche community in Henri Nouwen's book "Adam" where the able bodied and specially abled live, work and pray together in a community located somewhere in France.  Singapore hosts a similar church-based community, however all return home to their families at the end of the day.

"Adam" held a powerful idea that the weak could help the strong.  That is soooo not the concept that Singapore as a country adopts... The weak are to be helped to become strong.